What Happens When You're a Cute, Good Girl Who Breathes on Her Own

Mallorie is healthy and squeeling about having her IV out and her arm back. We've been cut loose, and I'll go to work when John gets here. Mal is waiting on a surprise they have today for good children. Someone comes to visit you (besides Santa).

Pictures this evening, when I get home from work.

Meantime, a snack
for a good girl and her bunny.

What happened.

I wrote this a couple of days ago, and just kept it in drafts.

OK, if you actually read this blog, you might want to know what happened. And wonder why I'm writing about chairs and IV's, but not about what got us here. I woke up wondering that myself, this morning. I just couldn't "go there," again.

And I still can't. But I will just say that I think what happened to Mallorie on Saturday (a week ago) was probably a laryngospasm. Probably nothing to do with whatever "else" she might have.

Years and years ago, I worked for an awesome oral surgeon, who made me laugh continuously, and filled me with information. Several times we discussed laryngospasms, and what to do if someone had one while he was performing surgery on them. He told me that almost anything getting into the larynx - even saliva, blood, anything - can trigger a spasm in the larynx which can completely block the airway. It's thought to be a self-protective mechanism on the part of the body, to prevent something from entering the lungs. You can read about it here or here. The laryngospasms he was talking about were anesthesia-related, but the mechanism would be the same. Once it happens, he told me, there's not a lot to do except try to get air in; I believe he told me that high-flow oxygen bagged into the airway can sometimes break the spasm. Otherwise, he said we'd use a paralytic drug to break the spasm, and he stressed the absolute need to continue breathing for the patient if we gave such a med. I only saw it happen only once, and bagging with 100% oxygen broke it almost instantly. A very dramatic day, and an easy lesson to remember.

Mallorie had finished a feeding, and for about a half-hour had been sitting on my lap in bed, playing and smiling, when she suddenly began vomiting. Gagging/vomiting is something we're really used to, but it hasn't been much of a problem for a few months. In fact, while she was hospitalized in early December, we went ahead an did another trial of Prevacid (vs Zantac), and were pleased to noticed that Mallorie stopped even the occasional gagging.

The girls had just left to drop their dad off at work, but the boys were with me. Matthew was right in the bedroom, and when we realized it was going to be a "big" vomit, went to get the suction machine, while I put Mallorie on my shoulder to help her clear her airway. By the time we got the suction machine going, I realized that she wasn't breathing at all, and was blue. When I suctioned her a bit, and it became apparent she wasn't taking even a breath, I began mouth-to-mouth. I realized right away that no matter how I positioned her head, no air at all was going in. I've had to do mouth-to-mouth on her before .... almost 2 yrs ago, when she was first home from the NICU and we hadn't yet realized that her caffeine level was low. I knew how to do it, and except for the emotions that such an activity bring up, it's fairly easy to do. I repositioned her several times, and kept trying, but nothing, and she was completely limp. And deep blue. And staring blankly.

It crossed my mind that I had lost her, and that there was nothing else I could do, if I couldn't breathe for her. I had some crazy thoughts running through my head at the time. I was praying loud, and Matthew called 911. My 11 yr old son is a rock.

Eventually, Matthew found the ambu bag, and I started using that, with the same result: no air going in. I decided not to take the time to check for circulation, but just reasoned that if her oxygen level was low enough to make her blue, and no more air was getting in, then her heartrate was going to be dropping, too. A's and B's, as they said in the NICU. Apnea and bradycardia. So I did some random compressions, but mostly fixated on the task of bagging her, hoping something would get into her lungs. I carried her to the front of the house, in search of oxygen. We use oxygen all the time with her, and have oxygen tanks and a concentrator. In the stress of the moment, I couldn't find anything, ambu bag, oxygen tank, tubing, anything. I just put her on her sister's bed and continued mouth to mouth.

Matthew had already called 911, and I assume was still on the phone with them as he got me the ambu bag. He was a rock. Not the first time I've thought that when the rare emergency occurs, it's too hard to be alone. I was so grateful for just his presence, as well as his level head. I'm sure my communications with him were cries, begging him to find the ambu bag and oxygen, and a constant string of prayers to God. He'd tell me things the person on the phone was saying, like to turn her on her side because of the vomiting, and I think I told him she was crazy, that I needed to bag her and do compressions. She's not BREATHING! He just repeated to her whatever he thought she needed to hear, and listened to her. And he got me an oxygen tank, and tubing. Which I couldn't even figure out how to connect to the ambu bag, so he held the tubing near her face.

Before the emergency responders arrived, I had noticed a couple of times when Mallorie exhaled against the air I was trying to squeeze in, telling me something must have gotten in. And once she even took what looked like a spontaneous breath in, but nothing after that, so I continued bagging her, and doing random compressions. Forget the 1:15 or whatever the heck the current ratio is for CPR (Yeah, I have already forgotten it, 'cause I think it's 1:5 or something else.)... I just bagged till I thought I ought to get a couple compressions in, worried not at all about the "proper" placement of my hand or fingers or whatever else I was using for compressions, and then got back to breathing for her.

How long did this all take? I have no idea. I never was conscious of a moment when Mallorie stopped being blue, or limp. But I suppose she did, because I don't have a memory of her looking terribly blue when the EMT's got there. But I am not sure.

Fast forward ... trying to convince the the EMT to take the ambu bag with him and to keep bagging her as he carried her out of the house. Feeling so helpless to convince him even to pretend to hear me. Then convincing the fireman to follow him with the ambu bag, since the EMT said he had whatever he needed in "the rig," and carried her outside without breathing for her. Begging the fireman to make the EMT keep breathing for her as he did whatever else he was going to do for her. Because she's not breathing on her own. (Why didn't he seem to think that was as important as I did?)

Looking for pants to put on, as I wasn't fully dressed. Asking my daughter to ride to the ER in the ambulance, and I'd follow with the other kids, thinking I needed to shower. Trying to figure out if I really should shower and change; I had vomit and poop all over the front of my shirt. Deciding not to take the time. Trying to decide what to pack. Meds? Her pulse ox, which had been left behind? A blanket? Diapers? Ultimately, walking out of the house empty-handed, except for an unstocked diaper bag, covered in vomit and poop, and without my purse. Hair wild. And able to ride in the ambulance.

OK, so that's the part I felt I couldn't share. The actual experience probably was 5 or 10 minutes until the EMS arrived, and maybe 15-20 minutes before they had her intubated, with an IV, and headed to the ER.

It felt like hours. And I must have aged a dozen years.

My hero.

Not Me Monday! January 19, 2009

My favorite way of letting my OCD worries fly away. Confessing what I did not do in the past week, in McMama style. So I can be free from replaying those things in my mind, and move on to bigger and better (present) things.

This past week, after it began to look like Mallorie might have developed an allergy to latex, I did NOT spend several minutes wondering how we might still be able to let her keep (and wear) her cool Old Navy socks with the rubber nonslip tread. I would never have done that simply because those were my favorite of her socks. Especially not after the suspect reactions she had were affecting her FEET! And one foot seemed to be affected because of one of these socks!
I am not still mourning the loss of Mallorie's ability to wear cool Old Navy and Baby Gap nonslip tread socks. With the tread made of rubber. "Nonslip" for a baby who cannot walk, so the only slipping or skidding she's going to do is if we manage to somehow let her fall off the couch again!!!

But I have so many of these cute socks, and in so many sizes. :(

When I heard one of Mallorie's hospital nurses telling me this cool story about how someone invented a technique for changing a colostomy dressing, I did NOT spend the next 10 minutes trying to figure out how to adapt that technique (involving use of a tampon) for containing Mallorie's profuse watery diarrhea.

I also did not almost stop her bowels up. Twice. By mixing baby barley cereal with food and putting it down her tube, because I'd read that oatmeal and barley were grains highest in soluble fiber, and hoped it would thicken the poop. Oh, but it did thicken the poop, ... to the texture of rubber bouncy balls that shot out like cannonballs with a "wash" of watery diarrhea behind them. So once she had strained and cried throughout much of one day when I'd given the barley cereal, ... I certainly didn't try the same cereal AGAIN, on another day!!

And I did not hold onto a bowl of oatmeal that came on the breakfast tray one morning in the hospital, but hid it, because I didn't want Dr. B to see it. Because oatmeal is the other high-in-soluble-fiber grain that we already KNOW has stopped Mallorie up in the past. Scary stopped up, so I woke up in a cold sweat in the nighttime, after one day when I had given her 1/2 cup of steel cut oats. I was sure she was going to need emergency surgery for a bowel obstruction. But this time, if I HAD done this hiding of the bowl of oatmeal, it would have been because she was still having profuse watery diarrhea, and would have needed the stoppage. You know?

Plus, it's so cool to be able to put real foods in that danged tube! But, I didn't do it, right? Good thing.

And I didn't make a post about chairs yesterday, instead of about what happened the previous weekend that got us into the hospital again with Mallorie, 3rd time in 2 months. Because I'm not one for procrastinating or using any other form of avoidance of painful things. I just plow straight on in, and face things, so I can move past them. But, if I DID do such a thing, you might have to be patient with me. I'm just not ready yet.

And I didn't spend all day researching my favorite bulb syringe (AKA nasal aspirator, AKA ear and nose ulcer syringe, whatever that means), to see if it is latex-free. ALL day. And most I could figure out was that it might be made of PVC. Whatever that is. Which might be latex-free.

And I must not have then realized that the one I have (and love, because it's such a great color, and better fit for older nostrils than the U.G.L.Y. red ones you get to bring home from most L&D experiences) has to be at least 14 years old. Because I think it came home from the hospital with Hannah. So even IF they are latex-free PVC now, they might have been latex rubber 14 years ago. :(

Bumbo Baby Seat, Revisited

When Mallorie was an infant, Cathy (Annabel's mom) brought by a Bumbo Seat for us to try with Mallorie, because she had 2. She said it helped position Annabel in an upright position, which therapists felt was better for her posture. What we had at the time was an infant "Papasan chair" (loved, loved, loved it, and thank you Vick and Katha), and a Tumbleform chair borrowed from ECI.



And pillows. On the couch. And we know what happened there!

We loved the Bumbo Seat, but within a couple of months, it became obvious that Mal was going to outgrow it, what with her generous bottom and fluffy thighs. Who are we kidding; she had practically outgrown it by the time Cathy brought it by, and still we kept squishing her thighs into the openings. I was so disappointed, because used with a Boppy pillow, it was a great seat for her.

Then, a mom I know told me that she had asked the company that made the Bumbo Seat to make a larger version for older children. The company has since allowed another company to do this, and even tells Jonathan's story on the website! I wanted to get the seat, but it's $199 ($149 with the "Jonathan discount") and I kept procrastinating, afraid of spending more money only to end up with a seat that Mal had outgrown by the time it arrived.

Shortly after Jonathan's mommy told me about the seat, I sent the link for the Childrite seat to several people, including Mallorie's speech therapist, and she surprised us by purchasing one of the seats for their therapy clinic, so I was able to try Mallorie out in the seat. It's got PLENTY of room for probably years of growth, and most importantly, goes up high enough on her back to give her the support she needs. We put towel rolls around her in front and sides, and she's in an upright (not reclining) position which allows her to practice holding her head erect. And even more importantly, she looks cute in it!

**(May, I wish I had a way to get one for Vera and send it to Singapore! I feel like Vera is going to be sitting up so soon, but this would be a nice upright seat, in the meantime.)

As if I Needed Something Else to Obsess About

Mallorie was born with spina bifida, along with some other things, and while she was in the NICU, we got to meet a sweet specialist, Dr. O, who runs a spina bifida clinic at that big children's hospital. She told me how children who are in the clinic can see most of their specialists on a regular basis, in one long clinic day. Typically, in one visit day, the child might get a renal ultrasound done, or other ordered testing, and might see a urologist, neurosurgeon, orthopedist, PM&R (physical medicine and rehab) doctor, and Dr. O. And if they worry about you doing something unorthodox like feeding your baby solids through a g-tube, you might also get to see nutritionists regularly. :)

And they validate your very expensive parking ticket for the day, and most days feed you some lunch. Very classy, and very convenient, if you happen to need to see ALL those specialists! One trip, all done. And I loved this Dr. O, instantly, because she was, literally, the FIRST doctor there who spoke as if Mallorie was going to survive. She even talked about how Mallorie might, years in the future, get surgery for her club foot, so she might walk one day. I remember thinking to myself, WALK? Did she look at her legs with the knees that bent backwards? So I loved her right away, and she didn't give me some song and a dance about why we simply had to have genetic testing done on our child.

In the same NICU visit, Dr. O gave us a binder full of information about spina bifida and hydrocephalus, and I suddenly remembered that parents of kids with SB were always mentioning "latex precautions" when I'd ask them about their child's allergies. Taking precautions to prevent exposure to latex - esp. in the medical setting - because SB individuals are higher risk than the normal population for eventually developing a latex allergy. It had occurred to me to ask, because we had just purchased and brought with us to the NICU, tied in a cute pink ribbon, a cute set of "mimi's" (pacifiers), the brand we have used for all of our children, and wished to use for Mallorie. Her Valentine's Day present. They contained latex. She told us, yes, that limiting/preventing exposures to latex would be very important for Mallorie, and I remember her telling us specifics about how we should use silicone pacifiers and bottle nipples, which diaper brands were not supposed to contain latex, and some other things that I can't even remember.

Why am I mentioning this? Because I left John with Mal a couple of days ago, and went to work. When I returned, he showed me this (which looked MUCH more dramatic at the time):
A couple of blisters on Mal's heel and back of her ankle. Earlier that same morning, I had noticed a blister under the spot bandage covering where she'd had bloodwork drawn from the other heel, and now this. About an hour later, we realized that she'd had a sock all day on the 2nd heel.
The sock had non-slip tread (made of rubber) on the sole, and when we looked inside the sock, we could see where the rubber material had gone through to the inside of the sock. So all day her heel was exposed to this rubber material, and there had already been some thought that the first blister on the other foot was from using a latex glove to warm the heel prior to collecting blood.

So we probably have to assume she's developed a true latex ALLERGY. The scary thing about allergies, is that first time you show signs of allergy, it might not be terribly dramatic. The next and subsequent times you are exposed to the allergen, the reactions can become more and more severe, and the real fear is that there will be an anaphylactic reaction, which can be deadly.

Latex can be in so many products ... clothing, rubber bands, bandaids and wound dressings and tapes, balloons, teething toys, .... Certain foods can also cause allergic reactions in individuals who have latex allergy. Bananas, avocados, and mango are the ones I remembered - I guess tropical foods? This afternoon, as I am mixing up some rice cereal and Gerber bananas to help slow down the diarrhea, is when I'm remembering all of this, though. So I give it in her tube, and moan because I know she likes bananas.

OK, I'm lying. So far she's only ever made a face and shook her head back and forth when we've offered her tastes of banana. And the only time I've gotten around to giving her avocado was when I gave her some guacamole, which she promptly vomited back up. What I should actually say is that I like the "idea" of giving her bananas, and avocados ... Bananas are so easy to mash up, and avocado is the big magic calorie food everyone says we can stick in the tube for weight gain. And it makes me happy each time I stuff foods in that tube, because we received such strong recommendations and so many visits from nutritionists after mentioning she'd be getting "real foods" in her tube, and not commercial formulas. So the idea of giving her avocado to help with weight gain makes me grin.

Not that she needs weight gain. OK, Dr. B, you can stop reading right here. Lindsay, too, if you're gonna tell Lewis. Carley was driving me back from work to the hospital last night, and we were discussing the new meal volumes we are giving Mallorie (165 cc vs 150 cc), and whether or not she is actually tolerating that volume. ESPECIALLY when I just decide to ADD something extra, like cereal and fruit or baked yams, and don't lessen how much milk I give along with the food. And Carley turned to me and said, "You know, she isn't underweight. No matter what they said, she didn't need to get that weight back." That's what I was saying, all along! But somewhere, I got caught up in the frenzy when Lewis showed up at our door with his lie detector scales tucked under his arm, and I agreed we ought to be getting her back to 22 lbs. Even though she's short and fluffy, and now has her triple chins back. And her "birds."

I'm asking you. Does she look at risk for being underweight?



Of course, now, we can't go backward and let her drop back to that svelte (ha!) 20.5 lbs, because Dr. B and Lewis would know something was up. And I'd end up feeling guilty, again. But I, for one, am praying for a growth spurt ... a height spurt, if you will ... during which I hope we can forget to increase her intake and just let her settle into a nice, healthy weight that allows her to BREATHE!

On the Launch Pad

That's a quote from Dr. B. I think she also said something about Mallorie being on autopilot. Did I mention Dr. B used to be in the Air Force?

She came in this morning to see Mallorie, and said her chest x-ray from yesterday was clear and we're waiting to see what her caffeine level was. It had gotten low ("3," I think?) and so we were having really frequent episodes of apnea a couple of nights ago. They gave her an extra "bump" of caffeine IV, and then Mal decided she really loves the night life! :) Gotta love a girl who needs her fix. (Her current dose is 220 mg twice daily. Isn't that a cup of coffee, at least??)

I have some really cute pictures to share, but no way to download them till we get home. I did manage to get these ones with my trusty old cell phone. Surprise, surprise.

From when she took out her own tube, silly girl.


Enjoying a light show from toy Becca (speech therapist) gave her. If you look at her forehead, you can see Ida's scalp IV is still there in this picture. Just makes me smile to see it there! You'd have to know how strongly Ida refuses to ever try scalp IV's! :0 Oh, and there's evidence of the haircut mommy gave her, too! No one is happy about that, least of all, Hannah. And Ida kept talking about Sampson, and losing his strength. But I wanted to be sure no one (IDA) was afraid to try a scalp IV. Hair always grows back. Even for Sampson.


Adorable bunny complete with g-button, sent to Mal from Laurie in CA, just in time for having it at the hospital and making everyone else jealous!

Just hanging out...

I am just making this post, didn't ask Connie, she is working today and don't want to bother her. I do know she is still in the hospital being treated for antibiotics.
The very first time Mallorie was in the hosp. (I think early Dec.) she had pneumonia and I think the dr. this morning said he want to make sure that it is gone this time. So if I understood correctly he wants 7 days of antibiotics. I think she is doing good according to Connie. I haven't been back to the hospital due to the fact that I don't want to bring unwanted germs there or here! Thank you for checking in on sweet Mallorie.

Birthday Wishes...

This is Cathy (Annabel's mom) posting for Connie. They are still in the hospital receiving more antibiotics and Connie continues not to have access to the internet. Mallorie and the entire family want to wish Dr. B the best birthday ever and to thank her for all the care and friendship she offers them! HAPPY BIRTHDAY!

Monday's update..

Connie texted me this morning after the doctor left. They will stay another day on antibiotics to be sure she does well. Her breathing is good with good oxygen levels. I was so lucky to go see Mallorie yesterday and she is so precious. Please continue praying for her that she will clear up and go home for a very long home stay!

Update....

As of this morning Mallorie is still in the PICU. She had a rough night as far as rest goes, doesn't like the tube in. Connie is hoping the tube will come out today and that she will rest much better. Thank you for all the prayers and we know that is why Mallorie continues to improve!

Praying and Praising....

This is Cathy, Annabel's mom. I am making a post for Connie. I want to begin by praising God that Mallorie is with us tonight!!! Earlier today Connie said she choked and needed to be bagged. Connie did this but had to call 911. She was intubated and rushed to the hospital. They called Texas Children's Hospital because our local hospital doesn't keep babies on vents but there were no beds. After some improvement and a visit from Dr. B it was decided to keep Mallorie on CPAP and she would remain here at our local hospital in PICU. She is doing good tonight but I know that her family would appreciate prayers being offered up on her behalf. This is Mallorie's 3rd hospital stay in a very short period of time. Also, Connie wanted to offer up some kuddos to her precious nurse Ida for getting a scalp IV! HOORAY to IDA! I am sure Connie will make an update as soon as possible or will allow me to make another post. I may have gotten some of the details mixed up, but in Connie's words they thought they had lost her earlier today! Prayers, please!!!

Late Update

Sorry, we've just been so busy, and haven't updated. Mallorie has been recovering really well from her RSV adventure. Except that she still "oinks" (her dad's term) every few days for a little while, you'd almost not know she was sick. The oinking is the funny noise she makes when her nasal passages get swollen and she still insists on breathing through them instead of her mouth.

She also has been taking a solid feeding in her tube once a day, meaning a mixture of Gerber turkey-rice-veggies, fruit, baby cereal, some Udo's oil, and milk. Oh, and egg yolk, which apparently doesn't cause the violent retching/vomiting that whole egg did in the past. Matthew has been mixing up her mixtures every day, and spends time creating plans and calculating calories she'll be getting each day, using this book.

I also recently found a support group (a yahoo group) where I've learned so much mostly by quietly reading the emails among members, and even been able to connect with a couple parents who have given me encouragement and advice. One of the things that I found most comforting was reading emails where other parents talked about how hard it is to just make the change, to start adding solids to their children's diets. It was wonderful just to know I wasn't alone in having trouble with the transition. Some days, anything extra - like making a change in routine - just feels like too much.

And I also learned from this group that the Mic-Key button instruction pamphlet actually mentions giving blenderized foods through the button! (I checked to make sure, and sure enough, it was there.) So much for the warnings we were given to never, ever put real foods through the tube. I'm pretty sure I read something about blenderized food in the Mini-One paperwork, too. The professionals will catch up with what families are apparently already doing, some day. (I still chuckle when I put Mic-Key and Mini-One in the same paragraph.)

Mallorie's speech therapist, has also been working overtime, helping us create/adapt toys that encourage Mal to use her arms and get her reaching and involved in active play, as opposed to just passively watching things go on around her. I want to get Becca's permission before showing pictures of the latest thing she made (which is another way of stalling, because I need to get to bed, not try to figure out how to download pictures from the camera, tonight).

Oh, and I have to post soon about the neat chair a mom I know told me about. Later.

Going Home Soon

Mallorie's breathing is great, her cool g-button is in, her last breathing treatment for the road, done.

The pedi covering the hospitals was kind enough to come by this evening to check on Mallorie so he could give her the OK to go home. We're almost out the door. Just a few more things to do and we can all sleep in our own beds/cribs tonight. We're a happy crew.

We've had wonderful, caring treatment here. ER, pediatric unit, nurses, doctors, respiratory therapists, radiology staff, housekeeping staff. I am not exaggerating a bit to say that it felt like a home away from home. One respiratory therapist even finished a treatment a couple of nights ago, and then asked if he could pray for Mallorie. We are very, very grateful for the care and for the kindnesses.

Done, and With a Good Dose of Happy Hour

The cool button is in, again. If you couldn't read between the lines of the last post, this "procedure" kind of stuff stresses me out. Well, for no reason at all, if there's Versed involved.

Mallorie acted like she thought she was swinging from the crib rails, and the button's in, and later on I'll update this post with a picture of Mallorie and her very photogenic hero, Dr. H.

Thank you to nurse Sharon, whose attention to all details of safety involved in conscious sedation, and to every other detail helped me stop wavering about the decision. I know, unbelievably, since I caanot stop singing the praises of this alternative to the hated MicKey.

And it just hit me last night, perusing the Mini One's website, that one button is a MicKey and the other is a Mini. That cannot be a coincidence, but you just gotta be a little quicker on the draw than I typically am, to catch that joke.

What Happened to the Button, You Ask? (Hospital Day 3)

I should really be telling this story on a Monday, so I can deny some of it, but maybe a little bit more than a week after the Mini One button was put in by Dr. H, I was sitting near Mallorie on the bed, and turned to her to pick her up, but accidentally kneeled onto the tubing (which was still attached to the button), and the button was pulled out of her tummy as I lifted her. I knew as soon as I heard the "pop" sound, what it was, because her Mickey button has been pulled out with the balloon attached at least 3 or 4 other times. Talk about a way to make you feel human. Forgetting to detach the dangling tubing before picking her up so this kind of thing can happen is so not a Mother Of The Year move (to borrow a phrase from Addison's mommy).

The only difference in this situation is that Mickey button balloons can be deflated, and put right back in. The Mini One is a little more complicated, and even though I tried ... on two different occasions ... to replace the button, I couldn't. I panicked and worried I was hurting her. Not that I had been told, by the way, that I was expected to replace the button, but John kept telling me that Dr. H told him to keep all the little gadgets that came with the button, in case it needed to be reinserted. So I thought that meant I needed to do it.

Mickey buttons aren't at all difficult to put in, and THANK GOD we had a replacement Mickey, so we were able to put that button in to buy us some time till Dr. H could replace the Mini One. That meant I could give her something for pain, because it hurts to have a tube or button yanked out of your belly through a tiny opening. By your mother.

But I've said before: I hate Mickey buttons. Almost immediately, Mal's skin around the button got irritated, and it wasn't long before I knew that we needed to schedule the replacement. So we know why God made pedisurgeons. Dr. H offered right away to work something in at our convenience, but we just didn't get to it yet. OK, it's actually because I keep procrastinating, because I want her tummy to be no longer sore before messing with it again .... even though I realize that any soreness at this point is because of the Mickey!

When Mallorie was admitted a couple of days ago, the other Dr. H, the pediatrician, talked it out with me and helped me realize that I SO much believe the other button is better for her, and so I need to just let it be done. Dr. H has even said he'd give Mal a bit of Versed before he does the button tomorrow, to keep her from being too anxious during the whole thing. I like that idea. I really don't want her having any memory of anything that she might associate with feeding or her tummy, to be flavored with anxiety. I know, we're talking about a baby, here. But still.

And I keep wondering if maybe Dr. H meant to say he'd give Mommy some Versed. Or Valium? Something with a V would be nice.

Oh, and her IV is out. See, I knew this should have waited and been done as a Not Me Monday post! She's getting all her meds through her g-button, now, and that tends me make me more sure we will be going home tomorrow. With the cool new g-button back in place. :)